I have officially been through a full week of IB. Whew. Today was pretty taxing emotionally. Let’s be honest, I’m exhausted. I got in bed at midnight like every night. Normally my bed time isn’t that late until at LEAST halfway through the school year. I technically have 4 core classes, plus Spanish, and although it is A-B day schedule, I still have the same amount of work and studying. One of my dearest friends is having a hard time, and I feel his pain and burden as deeply, if not deeper, then I feel my own issues. In the words of my good pal Emily, “it’s a little bit ridiculous.” After school today, one of my best friends left for college. That was emotional and left me with a few tears streaming down my face. THEN my parents informed me of some news that upset me. It was really very trivial, and the fact that it upsets me shows how much of a spoiled brat I am. Honestly, it was really just the straw that broke the camel’s back. My dad wanted me to go get pizza from pizza hut and if it weren’t for the fact that my friend was in the car with me, I would have sobbed uncontrollably. I still cried a good bit. He was kind enough to go into Pizza Hut and get the pizza for me since I was a mess. (Long intro, I know but here comes the main part…)

As I was sitting in my car waiting for him, “Amazing Grace” came on the radio and I heard the words:

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.”

and in that moment, I thought to myself, “look at me! I am such a wretch!”

The word “wretch” is defined as: 1: a miserable person : one who is profoundly unhappy or in great misfortune . 2: a base, despicable, or vile person

Huh. Purty spot on. And yet, even though I was being stupid and bratty, God’s grace covered me. It saved me. It is lavished over me. Wow.

My heart is bound to wander. I’m bound to get off track and lose focus these upcoming months and years. But my prayer is that His grace, like a fetter, would bind my wandering heart to Him.

It is so incredibly hard.

It is often pretty stinkin’ miserable.

But God is good.

God is good.

GOD is GOOD.

So…

I am thanking Him for all the good and clinging to and trusting Him for the things that appear hard and harmful, but will, and are, being used for my good.

…and I am praising Him in the midst of it all.

…for band camp

…for band camp tan :)

…for marching band season

…for bus rides with Min-Young Kim!

…for IB (okay, maybe not so much)

…for spirit week, with the prospect of crazy hair day!!!

…for winter—jeans, boots, long sleeve tshirts, hoodies, tobogans, and snuggling close at football games

…for football games!!!

…for bonfires

…for game nights with friends

…for the band trip: Cruise to Cozumel and Grand Caymen!!!

Even though I am SOO ready for these things, I am also thankful for where I am now, and I don’t want to wish it away, so I’m living one day at a time, as a living sacrifice. All glory to God!

4. I don’t like receiving gifts in bags with tissue paper. I prefer gift wrap, and when I open these nicely wrapped gift, I peel off the tape, one piece at a time, keeping the wrapping paper perfectly in tact.

5. For me, it’s a deal breaker when the guy is younger than me. I have to marry someone older than me.

6. I can’t stand listening to people talking on the radio. I have three different christian stations programmed in on my car radio and I will switch from one to the other until one of them finally plays a song.

There once was a kite. This kite struggled with discipline and had the tendency to fly off into the sky by itself and get lost. It would get punctured or ripped and float back down to the ground, broken. The Maker of the kite figured the kite could use a little bit of help so He blessed the kite with a string. This string was sturdy and solid, and it allowed the kite to fly, but kept it reigned in so that it would be safe and could prosper. Although the kite enjoyed the string and its company very much, it did not always view the string as a blessing. Many times the kite would get frustrated that it was constantly being held back by the string, and it would curse the string, giving the string an awfully hard time.

One day, the string told the Maker it had had enough of the kite that seemed it could never learn its lesson. It decided it was done holding the kite down and so it up and left, allowing the kite to go back to its old ways. The string was able to move on in its life without having to be tied down. It got to participate in and be used for many fun things, much better than being consumed with the wayward kite. The kite was able to go back to flying where ever it so desired. Both parties seemed to be content with the change.

After some time had passed, the kite was becoming all the more defiant. The string heard rumors of the messes the kite was getting itself into. At first the string felt a bit of remorse for leaving the kite, but those feelings were quickly replaced with terrible memories of things the kite said and did towards the string, accompanied by thoughts of the fun and freedom the string was participating in now that it was no longer tied down with the burden of the kite. However, the string seemed unable to escape thoughts of the kite. Its friends brought the kite up on occasion, as did its family. Even the Maker of the kite had something to say to the string about the kite.

The string got a message from the Maker, saying He wanted to talk about the kite. With fear and reverence, the string went before the Maker. The Maker asked about the situation with the kite, and the string let out all the pent up frustration it had regarding the kite. Lovingly, and without even a hint of condemnation, the Maker reminded the string of the time that the string had wandered off and been troublesome to the Maker. The string was grieved over the memories of past mistakes and was thankful that the Maker had forgiven the mistakes and had made the string useful for His purposes. The Maker had strengthened the string in order that the string should do the Maker’s will.

The Maker lovingly told the string that His will was for the string to hold the kite down, to forgive the kite’s mistakes, and to help shape the kite in a way to make the kite useful for the Maker’s purposes.

Just like the Maker did for the once wayward string.

It’s quite ridiculous the way my attitude, actions, thoughts, heart, soul, and very being take such a downward turn when I’m not in the Word like I need to be. Thankfully this time, I caught it soon and soaked up the Word like my soul so immensely longed for.

“As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” -Psalm 41:1-2

After two weeks of Student Life filled with break downs and mentoring, I am learning to be content where I am, and not only that, but to serve God where I am and to bring Him glory.

Things in my life have been…interesting lately. I feel like I have no one. Everyone who I had considered myself close to has found interest in the opposite sex, something that I myself am fighting to stay away from in this season of my life.

More than once over the past week I have been in tears, broken, and in pain. However, in all of this pain and loneliness, I can rejoice.

That’s right, rejoice, because I can already see that God is at work. Big time. He is growing me. Refining me. Sanctifying me. Making me more like Him.

I’m not going to lie and say I’m fine. I’m not, for I am in pain. But I’m not sad because I can rejoice that through this I will be more of the woman that God wants me to be, and I will bring glory to Him.

Let the refining, and rejoicing, continue. Right where I am.

1. When I go to a sit down resturant, I always get a kids menu so I can color and play all the games. Some are sick awesome and some are really silly and not worth my time…but I get them anyways.
2. My favorite way to drive: When the sun is just beginning to set, windows down, shoes off, worship music blaring, hand out the window, by myself, singing at the top of my lungs. Oh, and of course, paying attention to the road ;)
3. I sometimes get into stalker mode. I could look at people’s picutres ALL DAY LONG. I love love LOVE pictures. Thank you facebook.

Hopefully more fun random facts about me to come. It all depends on whether or not my mind generates them :)

Romans is awesome. So far, the first four chapters have talked about how we are all sinful, every single one of us. No one is righteous at all. The wages of sin is death. So, in conclusion, we’re all going to die and go to hell.

BUT GOD manifested His righteousness apart from the law, through faith in Jesus Christ. This means that even though I have done nothing to earn it and am so very far from deserving it, God has allowed me to be righteous as He is righteous when I believe the gospel and have faith in Him.

Whoa.

I don’t know about you, but this thrills me. Makes me wanna dance, become a little but undignified for Christ, because of the amazing things He’s done, is doing, and will do for me.

Hallelujah!!!

Things worth mentioning from this memorable night:

• I LOVE TENTH AVENUE NORTH.
• Next time I go see Skillet, I need to bring ear plugs and “another face”
• Family Force 5 is hilarious to watch in concert and they all have really weird names.
• Bone Hampton is hilarious.
• Concerts are much more enjoyable when you know the songs. Or if you can at least dance to the songs. (Thanks FF5)
• Skillet’s GIRL drummer is a beast who can also sing beautifully.
• Skillet opened up with two guys playing a violin and a cello. It was sick awesome.
• My friend, Min-Young Kim, is super awesome and I love her very much.
• Check out the song “Wobble” by Family Force 5.
• I heard some great truths tonight. It’s pretty cool to me that I just got done worshipping God at Carowinds…with a bunch of other who love God that I’ve never met but I’ll know one day in heaven. All these bands had different styles, but they all love God. In the scheme of things, who cares if you can’t understand what their lyrics are? They are praising God in their own way, which to me is purty cool!